Pour me out, and start again.

First Five changes:
1. Eat less, weigh less.
2. Take risks, and let myself fall.
3. Sort out my future.
4. Stop bitching. End of.
5. Stop pretending.

In light of a "new" me, I figured it was time for a little honesty;

1. I find it genuinely impossible to let anyone in, so I push them away, run away, or make up stupid excuses to make it seem okay.

2. I'm a complete control freak, and I absolutely hate it.

3. I'm terrified that people who love me, don't really love the real me, and that anyone in the future that may do too, will also fall for the facade, and one day they'll turn around and leave, because i'm not what they expected.

4. I wish I was thin because I know that it stops me from achieveing so much.

5. I will never forget how fast your heart was beating.

6. I created the biggest problem in my life, to use as an excuse for other ones, and now i'm trapped.

7. Every time you send me a song I analyse every word in the lyrics, and wonder whether they have any truth in them whatsoever.

8. I talk about people behind their back's.

9. Sometimes I say I watch a show somebody else does, for conversation sake. And when they ask about specific episodes I'll say "Oh, no. I don't think I saw that one."

10. I don't believe in half of what I preach to other's, but I wish I could, so I carry on.

11. I always want to be somebody else.

12. I wish I lived in America.


13. I take so much for granted, and it slips right through my hands.

It's thursday.

It's beginning to get to me,

That I know more of the stars and sea, than I do of what's in your head.

A heart is a funny thing, isn't it? Whilst growing up you're not aware of it's many functions. You know it keeps you alive, and it beats, and when you run it beats faster and faster, but are you ever aware of how fast it can beat without the running? But because of the presence of another person running through your head? You can feel compassion for the ones you love, but what about passion?
And soon you grow up, and you learn. Your heart is not just an organ. Your heart can be your worst enemy at times. It keeps you alive, but it can kill you inside. It's a complete contradiction of itself.
It beats again and again, and million times a day it seems, and yet it can fall in love. It can rise and fall and twist and dive at just the sight of another person. And then, it can break. By all the pain it manages to put you through, you can really question how it's even handling it. It's crushing, and tearing apart, and leaves a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. And yet it still carries on, beating and beating. Aching and hurting.

Are you beginning to get my point? That all this fighting with aching joints it's doing nothing but tire us out, no one knows what this fight's about.

(apologies for the shit post. I'm really not in a writey mood at the minute.)